today, I had a conversation which really turned my mood upside down. but on the bright side, it washed my eyes and look clearly into this mess I'm in. Nothing comes easy. This has gone along for so long I don't even know how I even pulled through months of these. Coming to think of it, it was a crazy roller coaster ride. I need a break. Im seeking for help out of this. I dont even know who to turn to.
I fell so hard I don't even know how I'd ever pick myself up from here. I questioned God! why? why am I going through this? Wasn't there an easier way out.
Honestly. I was never a very holy person. Being brought up in a catholic family and never really got the hang of it? As much as I've been a part of the ministry, musically or even with the confirmation team. Even during my car crash years ago, I never thank-ed God for keeping me alive. and I blame him for bringing me through this. I'm admitting that I never was and I'm not proud of that, until recently.
Being away from the family, knowing that I have nobody to turn back to when I need help. I'm on my own. I realized I had nobody but God. I've heard so much from so many people that God was there for them. and I always thought to myself, why was he so bias. Why did he help them and not me? but slowly I started praying and praying. I prayed for things to fall into place, I prayed for a light in my life, I prayed for my family, my friends and for my education. I prayed for God to bring me out of this mess I'm in. Every time I pray for him to bring me out of this, I break down. but slowly, I started to believe in Him. Every time I feel I can't handle it, I pray. and I'm very proud to say, it calms me down and slowly I fall out of that misery.
I'm not blaming anyone or even God, and I now believe He is here with me. Someone told me, don't question Him. Just believe. He has plans for me.
I grew up having many things the way I wanted them to be. I was rebellious, bad, and all that you can think of. but it was my process of growing up. As bad as I was, both my parents were patient with me. As much as I screwed up, they are always there to back me up. to hear me out, and watch me cry, even pick me up from wherever it is even at the wee hours. As much as I didn't like hearing the both of u nag and nag and scold me and tell me what to do. I know you've just been doing your jobs as my parents.
Mummy always tell me: Your daddy loves you the most and you know it. No matter how old you are, you are always his baby girl.
I miss the both of you so much.
and I'm writing this for the both of you. I feel that nothing is better than this gift for the both of you on mothers day and fathers day.
Both of you have always wanted: 'For me to grow in faith.'
I thank God for giving me such awesome parents.
Happy Mothers Day and Happy Fathers Day.
with love,
jeslynling
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