don't give up

The past few weeks were horrible.

I took this road in life that maybe many people would not take. but, I chose to believe and if I fail, I have nobody to blame but myself. On the other hand, I would be happy for myself that I once fought for what I really wanted in life. Ever since this, I just wanted to do something I want and not for anyone else but myself. I chose to run away from people I had to explain to, from people I knew would see through me which has always been 'My Family'. I cannot bare to see myself go back to how I was 2 years ago. I ran away from the people who offered to help me. 

One afternoon I picked myself up and decided to come clean about everything and I was prepared to face the consequences whether it was good or bad. This time, I didn't back out. I picked up the phone and made the phone call and as this person answered the phone, i broke into tears. 

To open up and to come clean about this was not easy. but I'm glad I didn't run away from this at all.

That night, I saw the disappointment in their eyes. Both of them were so disappointed for me to have chosen this in life, but he gave me his blessings and promised to always support me no matter what my decisions are. I miss being home. A place that always makes me feel comfortable, a place where I could just open the door and I see my family as my support. 

Since this day came, everyday seemed to be a challenge. I really didn't know what to expect from who and what to wait up for. It felt like there is nothing to look forward to until this is all over. Then, someone said: 'You gave and gave, you loved and loved but one very important thing you forgotten was to LOVE YOURSELF'. I broke down. I had so many questions. So many why?s. something nobody could answer me but myself. 

For the past one year, I've fought so hard with myself to get through every day. 

God, I know you have plans for me. Guide me through this. Father, I lift up to you the feelings I felt from what happened recently. Please take away this fear and this pain from me. In your most holy name. Amen.

I was taught to never take things for granted. To live a little, to love with all i had, to never give up, to believe in myself and to fight for myself. This time, I'm not giving up. 

with love,

JeslynLing